HELD IN THE WAITING, SEEN IN THE PAIN

One afternoon in boarding school, on a day when nothing much was happening, I decided to take a nap. I fell into a deep sleep and then, without warning, I was jolted awake by this sharp, searing,excruciating pain in my pelvic area. It was so intense that I began screaming. I truly believed I was dying. My family was called, and I was rushed to the hospital.

That moment was the first time I understood that pain could feel powerful enough to steal your breath, your peace, your sense of safety in your own body. I did not know then that this pain would follow me for years.

I had always had painful periods. I started menstruating around the age of eleven, and from the beginning, it was heavy, intense, and overwhelming. But because it was all I knew, I believed it was normal. I thought the pain was part of becoming a woman, part of what we are expected to endure quietly.

After that hospital visit, doctors told me they couldn’t find anything. No answers. No diagnosis. Yet my body was screaming. Being told I was “fine” while feeling completely broken inside slowly eroded my trust in self. I began to wonder if I was imagining things, if I was too sensitive, or too weak. That was the beginning of nearly nine years of suffering without clarity.

Those years took more than my physical strength. They took my confidence, my consistency, and my sense of identity. In 2019, after almost a decade of fighting to be heard, I finally received a diagnosis: endometriosis. That changed everything. It broke my heart, but it also gave me back my sanity. I was not imagining the pain. I was not weak. There was a reason.

Endometriosis doesn’t just show up as pain; it’s missed school days, cancelled plans, strained relationships, and quiet shame. I’ve felt unreliable in a world that values productivity. It made me question my femininity, my worth, and my future. It crept into my mental health, my faith, and my understanding of who I was created to be.

The pain was relentless: excruciating periods, random pelvic pain, bloating, aching joints, and excessive bleeding. Some days I couldn’t walk. Some days, I sat in one position for hours because moving felt impossible. Painkillers every day. Fertility in question. I felt trapped in a body I no longer recognised.

And God can use us, not after the healing, but right here, in the waiting, in the pain.

 

After my diagnosis, I began a year-long healing journey through a homoeopathic and holistic approach, after conventional treatment worsened my symptoms and led to hospitalisation. Healing required more than managing symptoms. It required me to slow down, to listen to my body, to tend to deeper wounds and trauma that I had ignored, and to invite God into places I had numbed with survival. That year gave me hope. I felt present again, in my body, my mind, my faith.

But healing is not linear, as we know.

I was later diagnosed with fibroids and then PCOS with insulin resistance. I still navigate pain, hormonal imbalances, cyst ruptures, and unanswered questions about fertility. There are days I grieve the life I thought I would have.

Yet in the midst of it all, I have found purpose.

I’ve felt anxious. I’ve wanted to give up. I have felt betrayed by my body and, at times, less than a woman. But through advocating for endometriosis, I have found community. And in those painful moments, God has reminded me that He sees me.

There is no known cure. But I know this: my pain is not my identity. I am still worthy. I am still called. I am still enough.

And God can use us, not after the healing, but right here, in the waiting, in the pain.

 

HERE ARE THE 5 WAYS I MANAGE PAIN/THE CONDITION:

1. Pain management is the biggest for me, so Synaleve and Xefo Rapid Painkillers usually work, but on worse days, I may need to go to the ER or get a stronger prescribed painkiller

2. On days when I get flare-ups, which can be so unpredictable, I choose to be gentle with myself first.
– I always keep a heating pad or Deep Heat period patches nearby
– Ginger, Turmeric, Cinnamon, Black Pepper, and Honey, add hot water and drink twice a day
– Magnesium Glycinate, Vitamin D and Iron are my essential supplements
– Zoie Health PCOS Pro Powder because I struggle with it too, it has helped bring back balance, especially for those low moods, brain fog, energy levels and weight loss
– On these days, I try to do very little

3. Self-care days are ESSENTIAL
– Castor oil massage where it hurts + magnesium spray
– Anything relaxing or minimal effort, but on good days, I take walks, do the things I love, including eating that slice of cake and resting guilt-free

4. Tracking my cycle and symptoms
– Listening to my body so I can advocate for myself and learn what also works for me and doesn’t, but this could change frequently, but it can still make a difference

5. Prioritise my mental health
– Time with God is the most important
– L-theanine, Holy Basil and GABA are supplements that have been great for calming me and lowering stress
– I believe many people can also benefit from therapy

Whilst all these are helpful, and healing needs to be holistic, sometimes surgery and modern medicine is necessary and can be lifesaving.

Disclaimer:

The routines and remedies I’ve shared are based on my personal experience living with endometriosis, fibroids, and PCOS. They are not medical advice and won’t work the same for everyone. Every body is different, and these conditions can be complex.

Please consult a qualified healthcare professional (such as your doctor, gynaecologist, or registered medical practitioner) before starting, stopping, or changing any treatment, medication, or supplement. What helped me was part of my individual care plan, and proper medical guidance is essential for your safety and well-being.

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