SEEK YE FIRST,AN EVER EVOLVING JOURNEY

I’m willing to bet that you recited the rest of the verse without having to consult your bible app or wrestle a single word………..“and all THESE things will be added unto you,” Matthew 6:33. I have no recollection of where my mind had drifted to a few weeks ago when in the melancholy of it the Holy Spirit, which much abruptness broke that chain with the words, “you do not repent from your sins to secure favour or security from God. Choosing to repent and turn away from a life of sin benefits you. It’s not a trade exchange; your sins for your desired life or immediate gratification,no. It is on you to surrender. And the one who gets to reap the fruits of choosing God over the world is you.” 

Still in a state of confusion and with questions tumbling out of my mouth I drifted further away and recalled a scene that is quite common in movies with a teenage girl in a healthy and loving family environment. Yes, you guessed it. Girl meets guy who rides a motor cycle, older of course, and you know how that story goes. Girl dates guy, parents find out, the home is thrown into a state of havoc, etc. I put myself in her shoes as the rebellious teenager who is madly in love and God as the Father who wouldn’t give up on his little girl. And then one day I see the light or however the movie goes and break up with this man who would lead me down a joyride of destruction. And suddenly, I would no longer have to lie to my friends and family about my whereabouts. I imagine the peace of mind that would come with not having to lie to cover up other lies would be enough to regulate the nervous system. Trust and confidence in relationships rebuilt, not living in a state of defence in my own home while simultaneously trying to avoid my parents at all costs, among many other things. Being able to go home and be home. Does my Father owe me for making the decision to leave a life that was leading me down a path of destruction? 

“But the bible says that these things will be added unto me, where are they? God does not contradict Himself.” Which begs the question, ‘what do I desire from God?’ I know, (hope) I’m not the only one who has not yet found the words to formulate a coherent response to this question but what I’m learning as I go along is that the things are not as I envisioned. God gave me a word and reiterated through scriptures and through others on what I am called to, what my future will look like and assured me that He is with me. And then the years rolled by, some uneventful while others required that heaven itself violently pull me out of the jaws of death which had already concluded that it had won and confidently rolled out the victory carpet. A loved one was laid to rest and then another and the world swiftly and quietly moved on but the plans that He has just would not come to pass. I waited, prayed, worked. fell along the wayside and found my way back and so the cycle seemed to go. On and on and on, it still seems to go. But upon surrendering my will for His, the things have been evident and they have been a bountiful harvest of the fruits of the spirit. Love, joy, peace, kindness, faithfulness, gentleness, self-control, and all borne through twists and turns I never would’ve imagined someone with a calling on her life to have to go through. I’d often ask in prayer, ‘Do the plans You have not come with an exemption from some of the perils and trials?’ The constant wrestling of the flesh and spirit over your mental health when the evidence makes a case for the accuser of the Saints and Jesus himself. ‘Where are the things? When? I gave up the things you counselled me to surrender for Your Will, where are the plans for my welfare and a hope?’ It wasn’t until I looked back and remembered what the Lord had done that I was able to trace some of the seeds sown that would produce a bountiful full harvest of the fruits of the spirit that is now evident, not only to me but to those whose lives mine impacts.

It wasn’t until I looked back and remembered what the Lord had done that I was able to trace some of the seeds sown that would produce a bountiful full harvest of the fruits of the spirit that is now evident, not only to me but to those whose lives mine impacts. 

The words to articulate what I desire from the Lord may fail me, but what He requires of me is clear according to Micah 6:6-8, He does not require a show of sacrifice ,but to do justice, to love kindness and to walk humbly with your God. An ease I’ve never felt before fell upon me on discovering this short passage, the simplicity with which one could walk through the seasons of stretching and testing. Walking humbly with a God who sees all while leaning not on one’s own understanding. A walk where repentance not just an emotion after a powerful sermon that brings you to tears but a turning away and turning to a Father who is faithful enough to fulfil every word He has spoken to and over you. The peace of knowing that you are loved, not regardless of and not despite certain conditions, and that timelines do not matter here because this love is eternal. I’ve desired so many different things from God through different seasons of my life and what I know for sure is this, all roads have led me to desire God above all.

𝗪𝗿𝗶𝘁𝘁𝗲𝗻 𝗯𝘆: Candice Morrow

𝗖𝗼𝘂𝗻𝘁𝗿𝘆Durban, South Africa