YOUR SEPARATION SEASON

HOW TO HEAL, GROW AND TRUST GOD WHEN IT HURTS.

“Loss is the state of no longer having something, a decrease in amount/value, or the death of a loved one. It represents a disadvantage, defeat, or failure to maintain control, such as a business losing money or physical loss of, for example, hearing. Common synonyms include deprivation, bereavement, deficit, forfeiture, and damage.”

One of the closest words that I can associate to pain and heartache, is loss. Whether it’s the loss of a loved one, loss of one’s self, loss of employment, success, relationships or faith – it all hurts, causes pain, discomfort and creates a void. Growing up I had the privilege of being born into a Christian home to parents who trained me in the ways of the Lord. However, as much as I attended church, studied the Bible, prayed, kept a journal and had faith in Jesus Christ as my Lord and saviour, I didn’t experience an intimate relationship with Abba Father. Not because He wasn’t present, but because I did not truly know my identity, that I was loved, and that I belonged.

I had a lot of head knowledge about my faith but it didn’t change my heart. I moved through life having Faith in God, but fearing Him to the point where I kept Him at a distance. I struggled with trying to earn His love through religious practices like going to church, doing devotionals and serving, but I lived a double life in secret. I dishonoured my parents, my body and God, because I never liked who I was and always tried to be someone else. And as I grew, my faith never matured. Feeling lost and isolated while knowing the truth is a different kind of battle but looking back, He never left me “…No I will not abandon you as orphans – I will come to you” John 14:18 (NLT).

It wasn’t until I became so overwhelmed with my situation that I sought the Lord. However, in seeking Him He revealed that the thing I loved the most, more than Him, needed to go and that was my relationship with my boyfriend. I had to release that relationship, break up with my boyfriend and pursue Christ alone. After 8 years with him, I couldn’t see how this would be possible. I was isolated, I was separated and my heart was broken.

I had experienced loss before, the loss of so many loved ones. Yet, even through all those traumatic experiences, having to give up the person I loved seemed impossible. It was something I had to give up even though I still had access. It required self-discipline and obedience.

Jesus teaches that if we truly want to follow Him, we have to give up our own way, take up our cross and follow Him “…For if you try to hang on to your life you will lose it. But if you give up your life for my sake, you will save it.” – Matthew 16:24 – 25 (NLT).

Fundamentally my mind-set needed to change. Christ was not the centre, I was. Therefore, I needed to be transformed by the renewing of my mind (Romans 12:2) in order to understand it is not I who lives but Christ in me (Galatians 2:20). I needed to be broken to the point of surrender, where all I had was Him. I felt like I was losing my partner, I had to give up my way of thinking and my way of doing things, my desires, wants and needs in order to pursue Him and His kingdom. And although it felt like loss at the time, He was refining me to the point of completeness, to life and life in abundance.

In the loving nature of our Father, what I thought was my greatest loss turned out to be my greatest gain – I married the man I had to give up, because when I was no longer serving myself, I could step in to a relationship that was designed for the Kingdom of God (Matthew 6:33). And that’s how it is with God, what the enemy meant for evil He will turn it for good (Genesis 50:20).  Jesus was always moved by the faith of people who He encountered. He often challenged his disciples in this regard, painting a picture of how little faith we need to have in order to move mountains: “For truly, I say to you, if you have faith like a grain of mustard seed, you will say to this mountain, ‘Move from here to there,’ and it will move, and nothing will be impossible for you.” Matthew 17:20 ESV.

Loss is inevitable in this life – Jesus never promised an easy life, He in fact preached the contrary, that in this life we will have many trials and sorrows but the promise is that in Him we have peace and we can take comfort in knowing that by His death and resurrection He has overcome this world – John 16:33. The truth is that there is no formula on how to get through loss but the victory is ours from the onset, if we truly give up our lives – everything we want, desire, our ambitions, our goals and sometimes the thing or person that matters most to us, we will experience life in abundance, His definition of life. The healing, growth and trust develops only through our faith in Him, our rock and firm foundation.

Loss increases our need and dependency on Him. It creates a space for Him to work and for His will to be perfected in our lives. It requires surrender, sometimes of our habits, thoughts, emotions or ways. And that surrender may feel like a void but He fills it with everything good and perfect. Isaiah 48:10 “I have refined you, but not as silver is refined. Rather I have refined you in the furnace of suffering.” It’s in the suffering that refining takes place but the goal isn’t that we may be glorified, No, it is so that I may decrease so that He can increase – John 3:30.